My Solo Valentines
This is my first Valentines Day as a single woman in about three years. I woke up this morning and hugged my pillow - the thing I place beside me to act as a body in my empty bed. Having slept next to someone for so long, it’s startling having so much room for myself.
I walked to the bathroom and peed like a horse. After wiping up and washing my hands (just kidding i didn’t wash my hands), I took out the box under my bed labeled ‘art supplies’ and spent the morning painting boobs and exploring with colors.
After painting I took a shower and brushed my hair. I split my thick hair down the middle and wove it into two long braids - my hair is growing so fast.
I walked over to my dresser and pulled out some undies and a tee. I laid on the floor and spent the next couple hours just listening to some records.
I listened to Brandi Carlile’s Don’t Worry, I Forgive You record first, then I followed it with Alabama Shakes Sound & Color, and then I ended with James Taylor’s Sweet Baby James record.
I’m trying to love myself today, the way I should everyday. Considering how lonely my mind (and the world) wants me to feel, I think I’m doing pretty well for myself.
In honor of love… here’s something I wrote the other day in bed.
I lay on my back on the opposite side of the bed. My head resting on a pile of clothes I have neglected for far too long - my feet tucked underneath my pillow.
I exhale the smoke in my lungs and watch it float out the cracked window. A group of birds fly by.
The air is warmer today but still cool. The breeze tickles my naked body and hardens my nipples. I watch as they grow firmer.
I shift positions and find the sun. She embraces my chapped skin, kissing every curve on my body.
The heat comforts me. She treats me well.
- is this love?